Pre-amble to my ramble, this story wanders like my mind, soul and life:) but if you can bare with me I promise to make you smile ☺️
Sometimes we go places and do things with no specific intention or expectation, and the results of being open- trusting and surrendering – are both humbling and impactful -this is the result of my most recent 10 day adventure to Costa Rica 🛬💡🌎🙏🏽🏄🏽✨ (The Country I am so excited to be moving to in October) ⏱📆🎉
Sometimes we are unaware that we don’t have the answers until someone asks the questions….
Recently being presented with the simple question… “Well… What ARE you afraid of?…” I’d realized that I hadn’t asked myself this question, and as a result… Found myself swirling about in a conflicted fog unable to find clarity around unsettling- scared feelings…
I have now been musing over this ⤴️⤴️⤴️ for the past few weeks (and Sub consciously I think, quite possibly, much-much longer …)
Regardless of the answers I came up with to this question, the prevailing notion that was continuing to reveal its self upon inquiry, was – fear… And that this fear rides on a wave called failure….
Fear of not being enough, not being good enough, not being “enough” or able to accomplish what I am on this planet to do..
This mindfulness of fear in my life led me to remember why I practice yoga- to breathe, to accept, to let go, and to move forward with grace and love… and sometimes create space, to be vulnerable, and to open up to friends that can help you work through things that solo time and self inquiry are struggling to reveal…
This acknowledgement of fear, and acceptance of being vulnerable and scared led me into a magical heartfelt conversation- blanketed in a post surf emotional buzz, set to the back drop of a jungle rainstorm and accompanied by hot coffee, dark chocolate AND a beer:)…. 🌊🌱🌧☕️🍻❤️🍫🌧🍃🌧 some shit got real-
When you find it time in life to work through some “stuff” I highly recommend doing it in “style” haha…🙄😳😋😎😂
But first… (before we get too deep, let’s talk about the fun times!! )
At this point in my adventure I had…
*Rented a car in a foreign country
-fear # 1 ✅
*Drove solo up and down Costa Rica’s north coast mobbing down dirt roads with minimal to no GPS
-fear # 2 ✅
*Found some new waves AND paddled out solo
-fear # 3&4 ✅✅
At the end of a few days I made it back Guiones safely, even with a small detour or two, and felt pretty amazing about all these things- 🏄🏽🚙💨🗺👣🌊💥🏞🌬💫✨
I actually had a pretty epic moment, well
Lots of epic moments, but one in particular as I was cruising along a desserted, jungle encased dirt road, music blasting where I became acutely aware of what a magnificent life it is- I looked in my review mirror and saw in my back seat; my yoga mat, my surf board and my trusty Patagonia bag- I felt elated, at the freedom, at the bliss, at the joy in my life- none of which would have been experienced had I stayed in my comfort zone and not chosen to face my fears-
None the less, after returning to Guiones from such a super rad soul searching mini surf mission, something was STILL nagging me. Crazy to be so harassed by thoughts surround my jungle nature happiness
So, I sit down with my girl Ali ( in the previously mentioned situation- jungles and rainstorms and chocolate oh my…😛) and she asks me “Well, what IS it that you are afraid of…”
Because if the conquering of the mini mission Hadn’t squashed these feelings, clearly it was something more, and….
BOOOOOM, God bless the beautiful souls that life sends to us and the people that become our friends-
Mind blown💥💥💥💥💥never before had I thought to even ask myself that question- duh 🤓🤓🤓
And now that I’ve had time to reflect, marinate, write, and come back to Cali I am returning to this notion of all fear being driven by failure and the idea of not being enough—- and it all magically comes full circle and directly relates to my mantra for 2016 –
“I am enough.
I have enough.
Trusting in the universe I know she will provide”
As my spiritual journey deepens, and my mind and soul expand I have come into a space of loving myself where I now know and embrace that I am enough! (Thanks to a steady yoga practice and healthy addiction to the waves) 💪🏽💕…this idea of not being good enough (an insufficiency I have felt since some traumatic child hood events) is something Im ready to rid from my life- changing the samskaras of thought….
Good vibes only -right?!? ❤️☀️🐢 (life is too short for anything else) 🦄🌟💕
We are what we think, and My thoughts and energy are now choosing to occupy a higher vibration…🙌🏽🙌🏽
So now after living almost 30 years, I Am finally ready to take my power back- lots of tears and self work? yes! but also SO much fulfillment. Yep…(Smiles, Sparkles, yoga, rainbows, unicorns, mermaids, surfing, adventures, butterflies… And LOVEEE- Yeeeeww!!!) 😍✨🦄🐢🌈🏄🏽❤️☀️💕🐚🐬 That’s how Im now choosing to do this whole adulting thing.
Early this year This I taped to my bathroom mirror..
So what does any of this have to do with Costa Rica adventures, and moving there come October…well I’m getting there:)
Wether I’m afraid of running out of money, or not being able to get a a job- allowing me to teach and give and to uplift my community- or whatever it is that scares me of this “failure” reminded me to not let that fear drive my life. This trip and these experiences reminded me to follow my heart to give selfless service, to teach, to love others, to connect to nature and play in the waves- and when I’m on that path, in my right truth- living my Karma, that whatever happens in indeed exactly what was meant to…
So as I follow this truth to tropical jungles and counties across the globe, my visions of a fulfilling life are further supported by the beautiful humans I encounter on the plane ride home.🛫🛫☀️☁️☀️☀️🛬🛬
Yes. I am one of those people who get really excited about who I’m going to sit next to- what magical divine being is the universe going to send my way ?? and it never ceases to amaze:)
This time, it was.a “normal” looking couple a bit younger than the age of my parents; with a kind smile and a hello, I plop down and get comfy and let that be that…. About mid plane ride home I pull out my journal and start to write, my typical flight routine 📖📝📒
The sweet man next to me asks me “how
Many of those have you filled up?”
And for those of you who know me, like a puppy who’s about to get pet, I’m wiggling, excited for interaction 🐶🌀🌀🌐🌐🐶🐶🌀
To make a long story shorter this man and his wife are amazing!! 😍 They too are on a journey of their own, having left the hustle and bustle of LA some years ago they moved to Bend Oregon to be closer to nature, take on a slower pace of life and engage in activities that make their souls feel full- Taking chances with unforeseen outcomes favor those who take the chance….
So wether it is a mission to teach english and yoga In the jungles of Costa Rica, or a journey north, quitting ones job and landing employment by a Kombucha company, finding happiness is a result of following your heart. Believing in yourself and the magnificence you possess…
I mean, Come Oooonnn … Look at the book mark this sweet soul pulled out of his book and gave to me… Coincidence? I think not:)
I guess point of sharing this story, the moral ( and not that all stories have to have a moral, but this one does!🤗) is to face your fears and follow your heart ❤️
Fear is healthy- our reaction to this fear however, is what defines us✨
Am I a bit scared to quit a job that I enjoy and makes great money doing, sell my car, minimalize my “things” to fit in a box and closet, and set out to the wilds of the earth jobless and homeless… Well, of course!
But what I’m more afraid of is living a life by society’s “rules”- surrounded by concrete, in shoes and pants 😱😱😱, “comfortable”, inside 4 walls, behind a picket fence, trapped and owning things that actually own me- ignoring the calling of my wanderess, gypsy soul….never knowing what is down that dirt road, through the lush jungles, or what joy lies behind the eyes of a sweet soul seeking education In places where such luxuries are not so easily afforded. So whatever calls you in life, whatever stirs your souls and makes you passionate, do that, do it with all your being and your life will be full ❣
Or as Mark Twain so elegantly puts it
” Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do, then the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover”
….Feeling So happy to be able to share my stories with you:) Stay in love, stay inspired 💕✨🌈
Have a magical day!
With so much love and light 🕉
Your salty n sunkissed mermaid 🌈🐙🐚