Humaness.

I can’t tell you how many times over the past months I have asked myself

Who am I?

As I look down and my nikes ( yep,  haha, not only has life gotten me into shoes, but nikes…woah)

My no longer sun kissed skin (white as a ghost, uhhhhgggg the crime…

Or my sad salt-less hair (these mermaid locks have not tasted the salty sweet waters of the sea in months…) 

And, ya know, it’s funny.  Because in this journey of living and loving – healing and growing I have realized that these things outside of me like shoes or clothes (or no shoes and bikinis) do not define who I am. Life is happy regardless.

On the inside I am the same.  We are all the same. 

I am not these clothes or these circumstances.  This accident and the injuries have essentially forced my life to go in one direction (at least for the time being) and defaulted me to a (short term) stagnant place. A physical place of not allowing me to choose the activities of surfing or yoga or traveling, or walking down the street or driving, or so many of the everyday things we are able to do when our bodies are healthy and well, this experience has violently shoved me in a direction, a direction that has led me to like myself even more than before. Even pale, and in shoes, and clothes, and layers, and broke… but smiling, always smiling.

So who I am has as nothing to do with anything external. I am someone who has seen a bit of a detour, a setback as some may call it, and learned to love myself even more. I am now, deeper, kinder and more compassionate. And that’s that thing about life. We have no control over what happens to us. Only how we choose to respond. We are truly not a reflection of our outside circumstances, and I don’t say this from preaching – I say this from my heart. I say it to remind you that if you find yourself faced with a challenging times, you yourself have to power to shape how you experience it. My hope for you is that you find the tools and see the benefits of taking the path of positivity. I’m not saying be happy all the time, cause even I lose my shit every now and then, but it’s about more than that. It’s about finding a way to enjoy life.

 

Speak to me only with your eyes…

Oh the ways Robert Plant can sing to my soul. I love this set of lyrics from Led Zeppelin. It’s always stirs a visceral reaction from me, but even more so now, that I have been pushed to  examine life from such a different perspective. For me it alludes to the magic mystery that exists beyond the physical – beyond the surface of clothes and shoes, skin color and accessories… it awakens our awareness to a Self that lives deep within. Words like this, and a seeking for greater awareness, that sparkle that lives in the eyes of awakened beings – is an invitation to find and  to live with joy. A joy that is so available in all of the everyday things we see – to me that’s exciting part about self discovery and a spiritual journey. Nothing has to change for this to happen, only the way you look at things =) 

And when you begin to look at things differently, the things you look at begin to change. You just have to be willing.

 

As FDR said. And which I know in my life to be very true.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” 

Music, wisdoms like the one mentioned above, and the mystery of looking into someones eyes evokes so much meaning,  if we let in these vulnerabilities in we arrive in places of empowering awe and wonder, places we can only arrive to if seek what is beyond the surface….

There are so many things In life we can and will miss out on because (or if) we are afraid to look beyond the flesh. It is a fear. A fear that we will find something we are afraid of within ourselves. Fear of inadequacy, of unworthiness, of self doubt, or maybe the fear is even bigger than we can comprehend, so instead of diving in and finding out what vastness lies beyond, we choose to stand safe on the surface and wonder, but that unsatisfied wonder, only leads to more fears. We fear limitations, or perhaps the opposite, we fear the enormity, of the spirit, or the soul of life in its entirety –  it can be crippling. Or mind blowing. To really begin to imagine how very small yet simultaneously powerful we are. 

When we look within and see wounds to unwrap – know that these traumas are there to guide you to the parts that need to heal- they are not going to kill you, they are challenges that live has given you  to help you grow. They are there to teach you. Life is a students game. 

A quote I found through my spiritual studies, a quote that I return to often when I am feeling overwhelmed by the unknown is this. 

“In the beginners mind there are many possibilities, in the experts mid there are few.”

Shunryu Suzuki

To me this quote offers a perspective about not knowing, a perspective that says in the not knowing the possibly to learn is endless, and that potential is where all the magic of growth is waiting for us. Perspective is powerful. And there is another yogic practice called pratipaksha bhavanam. (That I’ll talk about soon, but its about our ability to cultivate the opposite of a situation when we don’t like how it is going or making us feel) =) …. Soon, i’ll share that soon – OR – ( The beautiful people at http://www.rebelandmuse.com have recently invited me to be on their podcast, and we chat quite a bit about this idea there….. go check it out! ) ANywho

We will only benefit from the continuous exploration of self. This injury, in my perspective, has only been good. Painful and life changing, yes, but ooey gooey dripping in epiphanies that take place driving on the freeway or by way of the hot steamy shower, at the gym of all aweful places, or sitting in my car in a parking lot in the rain…kind of good. Pain is a part of life, choosing how we respond to this pain is what dictates the quality of our lives. I absolutely had moments like this before the fall, but these are different. These come on the dawn of a cold dark night, and for some reason to me that makes them more profound. Maybe I guess then, the way I see it is, this experience has deepened my understanding of things that only have light shown on them by looking over the edge of darkness and sinking right into it.

And then coming up smiling. Because well, it’s fascinating down there, deep in the depth of our wounds, it’s a vast majestic an if we dare to go there (with an open and positive mind set, of what can come from this situation)- anything is possible. I believe now more than ever in the power of our minds. This power is the same way people like Nelson Mandela survive lock up or humans survived the holocaust. And although I am no comparison to these kinds of hero’s maybe my journey can be an inspiration to other ordinary people like me and you. Maybe I can be a reminder that we are all capable of greatness, and that “greatness” doesn’t look the same for any two people. That’s the greatest part. As we change and grow our best also transforms day to day, and season to season. But believing in a bigger something, anything, the possibilities to overcome, to create, to learn, to forgive (ourselves and others), to grow, to let go, to thrive are literally infinite.

Being injured has given me an opportunity to be with myself. It has given me time to explore me. My thoughts, my feeling, with out interruptions to the things we as humans normally do to fill our days. And this opportunity has allowed me to fall even deeper in the love with with who I am. It has showed me parts of myself, sad parts, strong parts, injured, humble, simple gentle unadorned with life’s decorations parts…

(Below, the documentation of my knee’s sweet journey =) I am proud of what a healing machine it is!!)

 This essence of self, of life that maybe is only revealed in times of challenge , of woundedness, is what makes us strong. This injury has been a beautiful opportunity to see my body broken and in pain, but capable of healing, capable of finding the light, the positive, and what a miracle it is to see the body heal. To see myself in my lowest time, and still find the beauty in who I am, this my friends, is a truly humbling and empowering  lesson to learn. And for that, this process, this experience, maybe I will go as far as to say this gift of a different and deeper, more simple (even more simple than I already was) approach to life – well for that i am extremely grateful. I

Diving head first into the belly of injuries and recovery is honestly anything but cool. It’s not glamorous. But it is real. It is a process, it is a time to really sink my teeth into all the things I preach when life is healthy and thriving. It is truly a time to digest what exists beyond the physical world we live in. It is a time of letting go, of surrendering, of shifting the energy away from negativity and back towards gratitude. It is a time of patience, of acceptance, of love. Of looking myself in the eyes, and loving what I see. It is a path of gentleness towards self, of not judging the days when I want to be anywhere but here. And knowing that as a human, a spiritual beautiful divine being, but a human non the less, that it is okay to struggle. I am not any less of a yogi, a teacher, a leader a light bearer or a guide because I too face demons, demons that can paint even my light and sparkly  sky with darkness. And you sweet person are the same. Remember that with impermanence comes happiness and sadness and if you can just stay afloat when the seas are the roughest then that is enough. Not only is it enough, but it is a sweet victory when you rise to meet the new day, maybe naked, and battered but resilient, stronger and ever so beautiful 💙 so I send you this message,  to you inviting you join me on this humble journey to discover the limits of the universe, a reality juicy with life’s subtle joys, full of adventure and full of  love.

This idea of the mind and greatness and how no two things are the same from person to person, has been a duality I have been applying to the idea of success; and how it’s come to look and taste In modern society but that maybe that’s not actually what “success” is at all…

I feel good about it:) got that coming to you nexts

I hope my story inspires you of what greatness you have within you – as a human – as a divine magical being living inside a bag of flesh, stacked with bones, wandering freely on this planet. Trying to make sense of this wildly joyful life experiment.  Life’s great mystery is our prize.

Be well my friends. Be kind, Be love.

xo

Mermaid

ps. im also helping host an epic event tomorrow. here in the link =) if you are in town, come join us!

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/yoga-daytreat-live-music-soundbath-energy-healing-vegetartian-lunch-tickets-52180804190?aff=ebdssbdestsearch

 

Advertisements

Back to Cali ☀️

Finding inspiration in the day to day grind can be challenging.
Then I go outside and I am reminded of what a beautiful planet we live on. Backyards vibes are pretty sweet. All kinds rad trees and plants. Succulents are such a trip. And Incredibly brilliant. They can survive, in just about any and all conditions. If you break them off, and replant then, you don’t kill them- they are almost like a Voulenteer for more & more life 🙂 very cool.

I sit and watch the bees enjoy the nectar of the blooming trees, hear the birds and feel the wind. It’s October and I’m writing in a bikini, in a hammock and the waves are just a bike ride away- So I suppose you can say it’s a bit of a paradise.

It’s easy to get caught up in a desire for “perfection” when sometimes you have to take a step aside and realize that this IS perfection- the perfect day is happening to you right now. It’s all a mater of being present, having a positive mental attitude, and experiencing the joy within the reality of whenever you are at—-
Blah blah blah.
What am I trying to say?
Well 2 things specifically.

The adventure is in your mind. The more time I spend at “home”, in San Diego, the more I tap into my yoga practice and the more I am reminded of “as you think so you become.”

The mind is a powerful tool to create and manifest any and all things we desire. And that everything we are all “searching” for resides inside of us:)

So as life happens we have to remember- everything is temporary- it’s always changing. No matter what phase of life you are experiencing you have to stay grateful- wether you are wandering through tropical jungles and surfing warm epic waves or navigating the concrete jungle, traffic lights, and censorry overload of a high pulsed society of an industrialized nation- this too an adventure. There’s always a lesson to be learned and with the abundance of our lives there are always a millions reason to stay stoked and keep smiling.

The second thing if was trying to get at is importance of remembering that everything is a cycle- and within this cycle all the attributes of nature are always present. In yogic philosophy these attributes are called the gunas. I refer to the guanas to help me stay calm, content and at peace within the center when ever I feel the extremes of nature pulling me in every direction.
So what about Gunas you ask?
It’s pretty simple really- it’s a great tool or reference to use to stay in balance (or at least to be mindful of if we feel our lives being affected by super positive or negative energy or as we encounter times of happiness and sadness). My favorite example is this cycle is the growth of a seed. All seeds (even us a humans) starts in tamas- inertia, stillness, little to none movement or activity is present as the seed planted is in the ground, from here the seed begins to grow- and rajas happens- imagine all the force and activity that is need to be present for a seed to break out of its shell, sprout out of the ground and begin to become a plant. This is where the growth is happening and from human standpoint, this phase may seem overwhelming or consuming or exciting and uncertain. Ah- but what happens next is nothing short of magic. From here sattva occurs. Balance. The flower or tree is in perfect bloom- the fruit is ripe- and any individual looking at this plant would think its a magically beautiful representation of perfection. However, at this point – we must remember what a journey the plant went through to achieve such brilliance, and remember where it is going. The tree then drops its fruit, the flowers die- the soil is replenished and the cycle begins again.

In my life i just returned from the dreamland of tropic jungles and great waves- it was “perfection” however I was living reality that was not sustainable and now back Cali I am realizing (only 4 months later, yes, sometimes I’m slow to get on the bus) that is my time to sow the garden again. To get rooted, grounded, connected- and manifest and create new journeys and adventures. This part of the cycle might not be “glamorous” but we are only as solid as our foundation, only as strong as our roots and so I am finding the joy of this phase of my life because from here all things grow stronger. Also remembering that within this phase there is so much delightful magic that is present and to be grateful for abundance and lessons here and now.

So, these Gunas important to remember because within our entire macro cycle of life this micro cycle is spinning, daily – weekly- monthly- yearly. We must be patient and gentle with ourselves. It’s not necessary to have all the answers. We have to remember we are a part of nature and it’s imperative to trust and surrender to the forces around us. Otherwise we cause avoidable suffering to ourselves and others. The sun will set and rise. The tides will rise and fall and In the end everything is going to be okay:) if it’s not okay. It’s not the end…
These are just a few of the many gems of wisdom I have learned from the yoga tradition that I am oh so happy to share with you.

With all my salty and sunkissed love
Namaste

Northern Nicaragua Dreamland🇳🇮💙✨

🐚💕💕
Mermaid treasures and all this magic ✨
Feeling A- a little bit sick🤒
But B- mostly just stoked.
To be a surfer, even an average one at that, is a beautiful life to live. I can’t speak for everyone who surfs- but when fresh fish and the quest for waves are the two most basic pre-req’s to keep me smiling and moving forward- life is good.
Simple- but full of the most magic, in the most minimal of things…
The ocean never fails to satisfy and you know that adventure is always a breath away.
I may never have a million dollars in my bank account- but I have lifetimes of stories, of connections, of memories not all the money in the world could buy. All the inspiration I continue to find in the different facets of life is humbling and mind blowing at the same time. ✨🌈
The life on the gypsy trail continues to provide the most abundance 🙂 I spent a the day alone yesterday. The only guest at these rad surfing/ glamping bungalows- (www.tapasandsurf.com) and the day was pure sweetness…..

Beachside ranchitos- sal y limón peanuts, toña and some good reads to pass the day while I wait for the tide and winds to change. And About sal y limón?….. put-it- on…everything!
and make life taste better:)
carrots, cucumbers, guac. Sure 👍🏽😋
and about my reading materials?

–proper literature when traveling is a must- been digging into “Barbarian Days- a Surfing Life” by William Finnegan. A fabulous memoir/ autobiography perfect for any surfing or wandering soul who likes to travel and discover the secrets of the planet and the secrets of man kind—

when that became “boring” as if sitting by sea can ever really be called that… I decided to wander. Around the point to the south- on to rocks and reefs filled with crabs and critters surrounded by the most delightful secluded mermaid cove- millions of shells of every color- so vibrant- neon pink and purples- pearl luminescent mini treasures – creating the sand- heaven.

IMG_0717

At this point a sunset glass off surf session would have been epic, but the day called for dinner and what would be the most fantastic daily offering- a sunset on land 🙂
I ordered a cocktail. Because how can you not when flor de caña is like $2.30…The affordability of Nica compared to Costa is pretty wild.
And then, I ordered some grub.
Two perfect sized tapas plates for my sweet little mermaid self. Fresh local ceviche, and camarón a pil pil (shrimp in a spicy garlic sauce). Holy mouth orgasams- or- I was just really hungry. Either way- the meal was delucious. They have roof top lounge area gently tucked among the almond trees, with a beach view and waves in the background. Of course to my delight Mother Earth offered a divine show of the setting sun free of charge. There was fire in the sky glowing every color or love….

I’ve got a slightly confused and broken heart on the mend. (Buuuuut. Haha. what else is new- I am so open, vulnerable, full of love that I experience the lows not as often but as intensely as the highs)… none the less, like a kitten, I always land on my feet- and I learn and accept the lesson. Everything that happens in life -good and “bad” -is an opportunity to be better, stronger, wiser and more full of love for it- I refuse to let life harden me, so when anger, or hate or resentment, are not options, it seems that love always wins…

Anyways. This day of solitude, spent with my one true love- myself – and the sea and all this nature was exactly what my mermaid soul needed to remember that everything we seek out there, is in here. And by here, I mean ourselves. I’m at point in life where I love my own company as much as that of anybody else and sometimes even more.. and I feel so beyond grateful to arrived at this point. Sometimes I’m lonely, but I’m human—and that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being alone, It’s just better to be alone than in bad company.

So after dinner, at like 7:30, I cruise to bed… yep, although I do like to party, the regular routine of nights that become mornings for the most part, are a thing of the past. I lay in my tent/cabin bungalow, listen to the sounds, the bugs and the waves and some R&B from the 90’s- Thanks Spotify 😜- and then wind it all down and drift off to dreamland with the soothing, hypnotizing sounds of Ali Farka Touré (yes- you need these amazing vibrations in your life— look up these incredible musicians).

After some wild dreams, and sassy roosters – morning is upon me.
And you know what that means….
Surfing Time! 🏄🏽‍♀️
I don’t feel amazing, like I mentioned, but I’m here, and there are waves, so I surf:) it’s never a bad idea. I caught a few fun ones. And then the rain started. Ah, sweet droplets of nectar- the source- Liquid love falling from the sky- then some thunder thunder, cool:) but then. lightening struck a little too close and I was out of there!! The wave here is called nahualapa- and it’s got tough competition with the boom and other firing breaks near by, but, fun enough for a few hours on this mystic morning in Norhtern Nicaragua. So I write this to you over coffee, pancakes and fruit.. and pancakes!?!? Oh man:) 😍🥞😍got me daydreaming about chocolate chips and peanut butter rolled up into like magic breakfast taquitos of love. Hahaha: and I’m not even stoned. I don’t miss much about home- obviously my tribe of beings who make my heart beat- but what I’d do for bottles of wine and some good pure dark chocolate— see you in June Cali, who wants to go on a date…..🍷🍫

Anyways. Who knows where today will take me, but this moment, is a grateful one- and for all the average pop, bachata music that has been played here over the past 24 hours of course bob Marley just came on:)
❤️💚💛
and with that…

Be kind to others, and yourself. Your blessing are more abundant, and all us creatures here on this planet are way more alike, than you may want to recognize.
Be positive. Stay humble-
Life truly is a precious gift.
From my gypsy mermaid heart to you
💜
•all love• all the time•

IMG_0709